7.1.2002 (23:44:00)

Oooh this morning was great. Lightening, thunder, downpours - the works... it was awesome. Haven't seen a storm like that in a while. I guess if I can't have snow, this will do.

In case you didn't know, I'm almost done starting up my own company. A colleague and I have been working on some really great things, and I'm anxious to get it started. It will start as an LLC with just us as co-founders, but it will immediately grow with needs for some freelancers and contract employees. If you have proficiency with programming, graphics and/or security knowledge specializing in network intrusion detection and forensics, send me a resume at randy@procyonsoftware.com.

Back to work for me! The night has just started!

7.2.2002 (23:37:00)

I saw my local heart doctor today and found out some interesting things. First, he says he did not turn off the pacemaker - it apparently had some kind of glitch between visits. I looks at the records from the pacemaker and his story checks out. He will contact Medtronic to see what's going on! He also told me that since I started the Paxil I haven't had one rate-drop episode. I'm so excited!! All we need to worry about now is the Atrial Fibrillations. If those go away or we figure out the problem (more diagnostics to come) it is possible that the ol' 'maker could come out! Time will tell.

7.7.2002 (01:19:00)

I watched Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory for the 1000th time today. I love it so... such a great story. My DVD has a 'where are they now' special and Charlie became a veterinarian in upstate New York. He looks like a gay biker with a big moustache now.

Not much else to say. Earlier I went to the ocean and watched a rain storm follow me over the rocks. Now it's late and I still have a lot of work to do. I'm debating going to bed at all. Well, I probably should. Yes. I will. At some point.

7.11.2002 (22:04:00)

This week has been rotten. I'm getting sick again. I keep getting tingly and weak, and I feel like someone stole all my blood. I actually passed out again for the first time since September (although it was quick enough for me to not smack the floor). I need to visit the doctor again tomorrow. This sucks. Just when I think things are going good.

Last night Stephanie and I saw Kevin James (comedian from King of Queens). Damn funny. Merrill Auditorium is fantastic (Portland, ME). We don't git meny faymus peeple round heer.

7.14.2002 (23:09:00)

Friday, the doctor said my problems were caused by an interaction with my medications. Turns out the Toprol was slowing down my heart too much, since the Paxil began doing it's work. My Toprol dosage was cut in half, and we'll see how I feel in the days to come.

GRR! The Desaparicidos (Conor Oberst / Bright Eyes, etc) show in Portland for next week is sold out! Some crappy pop bands are headlining it and all the hot new alternative kids are crazy to the rush. Probably will be a scary scene anyways.

I was a sweaty shirtless skateboarding fool today with my friend Jon. It was fun, and we got to add some real damage to it. I have some repairs to do tomorrow :-) I signed up for AFLAC accident insurance Friday. Someone like me is bound to use it at some point!

7.18.2002 (22:50:00)

This evening I visited my meme in the nursing home (my father's mother). For many years I was told she was dying. Everyone always panics. She's always been fine, and quite a sassy personality. Old French-Canadian women are so funny. Well, I'm afraid she is really dying this time. She is in the Alzheimers area - the particular one where those whose minds and bodies no longer have the strength to continue. I watched her laying in bed... fetal positioned, barely cognizant. She looked at me and said I was handsome. Did she know who I was? 5 minutes later she said "I can't wait until this is all over" - then fell asleep shortly after. I've said this before in my journal, and it's still true. The exit from life is a hard thing to watch.

On the upside, I decided to go to Gettysburg and Washington DC next week. Taking some time off. I need it. I love those places. Something so amazing comes over me when I stand in a Gettysburg field, or touch a monument in DC. So much history and so many stories. If I ever get to Europe I'll probably explode from sensory overload!

7.24.2002 (00:15:00)

Tonight I will be in Gettysburg, PA. Thursday night I will be in Washington DC until Sunday. I'm quite anxious to get away for a little while. It'll be nice to experience a change of pace, and I'm bringing no computer books. Just my Zen Buddhism book :-)

My health has been improving, and I'm finally starting to feel a bit more organized. I'm slightly rejuvinated by a new project at work, and when I return from vacation Dave and I are going to establish our company as an LLC and start some software development with our new Sun Microsystems workstations! I'm very excited about the products we're planning, and that is in addition to some consulting services already flourishing.

I've moved most of my music equipment back home from the practice studio (Jon is going to travel the country for many months starting in September). I never realized how much stuff I had! Needless to say, I am going to start recording again once things settle. Perhaps all by myself, maybe with a little help from my friends. We'll see. I'm going to bed now.

7.28.2002 (22:19:00)

I'm back from my mini-vacation. It was nice, got to see some cool sights at Gettysburg and didn't get killed driving through Washington DC. Scary looking military guys were manning machine gun Hummers all around the Pentagon - aiming at the sky looking for some action. A few years ago I took a wrong turn and ended up at the Pentagon's side entrance! Now I'd be shot. And good luck trying to knock on the White House door now... you can't get within 500 yards of that place now.

Philadelphia has the most depressing ghettos of any city I've ever driven through.

7.30.2002 (22:25:00)

Two weeks ago Ted Williams died. He was my father's childhood hero, and so he chose Ted for my middle name when I was born. He was sad, but it passed. Today his mother died - my grand-m?re. We all knew she was going, but it doesn't make it any easier. When I saw her last, her eyes said it all. She was in such pain, both physically and mentally. For her to be alive any longer probably would have been torture for her. For the most part, my father is a real ass. By that, I mean he is demanding and closed off. His father died when he was four, so now he is left alone. It's times like this when his stored away human side comes to the surface. Other than his emotionally detached brother and belligerent half sister, I'm all he has left. You never realize how much people add to your life until they are gone. Even if they are ancillary aquaintences, they are devices for unloading loneliness. Take advantage of the time you have with the people you know. Someday they may be all you have left.